Knowing how to deal with an alcoholic son is a challenge for parents of adult children with an addiction. However, there are ways to help your son to put them on the path to recovery.
Creekside Recovery Residences offers sober living programs for men in recovery from alcohol addiction. When your son is ready for treatment, we’ll be here to guide you through the process.
In the meantime, here are seven ways you can help your alcoholic son:
#1. Get Help for Yourself
When your adult son struggles with alcoholism, this can take a toll on your mental health. It’s understandable to be upset or stressed out dealing with an alcoholic adult son. But it’s important to acknowledge how it affects you and to learn healthy coping skills.
Oftentimes, addiction treatment centers offer support for family members of alcoholics or addicts. This gives you a place to vent, process, and manage your emotions about your son’s behavior.
#2. Attend Family Support Groups
Support groups for families of alcoholics and addicts are great places to get additional help for your own feelings on the issue. One of the most common groups is Al-Anon, which is geared specifically toward family members of alcoholics. However, you can also find other support groups in your community to help you.
#3. Build a Support System
It’s also important to build a support system of family and friends. When you deal with an alcoholic son, other members of your family are affected by the issue. You can all lean on one another for support so that no one gets burnt out by taking on too much.
Your support system can include people you can talk to about the situation, like friends and co-workers. In addition, the people in your support system can help when you need to take your adult son to appointments or treatment programs. For example, you might need a friend to watch a pet while you drive your son to a rehab center out of town.
#4. Set Boundaries and Limits
Setting boundaries and limits are important skills when learning how to deal with an alcoholic son. Without boundaries and limits, you could be unintentionally enabling their addiction or other problematic behaviors.
Some examples of healthy boundaries and limits for an alcoholic son include:
- Not making excuses for their behavior
- Not allowing alcohol in your home
- Not shielding them from the consequences of their actions
- No longer giving them money or financial support
Remember: the key to setting healthy boundaries and limits isn’t to control your son’s behavior. Rather, it is about controlling your responses to their alcoholism and problematic behaviors.
#5. Learn More About Alcoholism and Treatment
One of the best ways to deal with an alcoholic son is to learn more about alcoholism as well as treatment. Learning more about alcoholism can provide the following benefits:
- Alleviates feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame
- Sympathize with what your son is dealing with
- Understand the underlying causes of addiction
By learning more about how alcohol addiction is treated, you can help your alcoholic son explore options when they are ready for treatment.
#6. Know What NOT to Say or Do
Of course, there are some things that you want to avoid doing or saying when helping your alcoholic son. The following are things to avoid:
- Don’t give ultimatums or make threats. Although you might feel like this is in their best interest, ultimatums and threats can ruin your relationship with your son. They can also be difficult for you to uphold—making you seem inconsistent.
- Don’t confront them—especially if they are currently under the influence. Confrontations about alcoholism aren’t helpful. Instead, discuss the issue from a place of concern and be non-judgmental. Also, never confront an alcoholic about their drinking when they are under the influence. This won’t help anyone and could ignite intense emotions.
- Don’t blame them. Alcoholism, and any issues related to it, are your son’s responsibility to manage and face the consequences of. However, acknowledging responsibility and facing consequences isn’t the same as taking blame. Blaming them for the issue doesn’t help them come around to dealing with it—it usually makes things worse.
- Don’t lecture or criticize. Sometimes, parents revert to how they dealt with their son as a child or adolescent. But, now you must talk to your alcoholic son as an adult. Lecturing or criticizing them for their actions could create distance from you and your son.
- Don’t give mixed messages. If you keep your drinking under control, you might struggle to understand what alcoholism is like for your son. Sometimes, you might pressure them to have a drink or two on holidays or special occasions—rationalizing that they can handle just one. Alternatively, you might drink heavily in front of them. This sends mixed messages to your alcoholic son.
#7. Be Patient and Acknowledge the Wins
It takes time to see significant changes when you deal with an alcoholic son. Oftentimes, you might overlook the small steps they take because you want them to overcome their disorder entirely. But, it’s important to be patient and to acknowledge the wins—even the daily victories.
And, remember that alcoholism is a chronic condition. This means that a relapse is more likely than not. However, a relapse doesn’t mean that your son cannot recover from addiction. They shouldn’t give up because of any setbacks—and neither should you.
Help Your Alcoholic Son Find Treatment Today
Creekside Recovery Residences offers sober living programs for those who need a safe and secure place to continue their recovery after inpatient treatment. We also connect our residents to outpatient programs and other helpful resources that put your son on the path to long-lasting recovery from alcohol addiction.
Contact us today to learn more.
