woman talks to an alcoholic sibling about getting help

Navigating a Sibling With Addiction: A Guide

Helping a family member with an addiction is never easy. But when you do nothing to help them, you’ll regret it later as their addiction spirals out of control. If you have an addicted or alcoholic sibling, our guide can teach you how to help.

Creekside Recovery Residences provides sober living programs for those in recovery from substance use disorders. Visit our admissions page today to get started.

Enabling vs. Helping Your Sibling

If you’re concerned about an addicted or alcoholic sibling, you’ve probably heard the term “enabling” before. While you know enabling isn’t helpful, you might not be aware of when it’s happening. Furthermore, you’ll need tips on how to help your sibling without enabling them.

Examples of enabling a sibling’s addiction include:

  • Denying the problem altogether
  • Blaming or criticizing your sibling for their addiction
  • Justifying your sibling’s addiction and the problematic behaviors that go along with it
  • Making excuses for your sibling’s addiction
  • Minimizing their drinking or drug use (ie, “It’s a holiday—of course, he got carried away!” or “She’s going through a breakup and needs to cut loose for a bit.”
  • Taking on their responsibilities when they are too high, drunk, or hungover
  • Hoping for a change (without doing or saying anything)
  • Avoiding or ignoring the addiction and the impact on your family

Oftentimes, family members have their loved one’s best interest in mind. For example, picking up the slack for your alcoholic sibling could shield them from detrimental consequences.

Unfortunately, your sibling won’t understand the weight of their addiction if they are protected from consequences. And, eventually, you’ll burn out and won’t be able to cover for them or clean up their messes.

The following are tips to help your sibling without enabling them:

  • Avoid blaming, lecturing, or talking down to your sibling
  • Don’t use drugs or drink when they are around
  • Don’t confront them about the issue—talk from a place of concern
  • Ask for help from other family members or friends (and don’t keep their addiction a secret from the rest of your family)
  • Reach out for help from community resources and support groups
  • Don’t talk to them about getting help when they are under the influence
  • Talk to friends, family, or professional counselors about any struggles you have as a result of your sibling’s addiction

Talking to Your Addicted or Alcoholic Sibling About Treatment

When you have an addiction in your family, you will feel a range of emotions—disappointment, anger, sadness—which influence how you respond to the issue. However, your knee-jerk reactions to lecture or scold a sibling won’t be helpful. Instead, you’ll need to talk to them about getting help from a place of caring—and hope for the best.

Talking to your addicted or alcoholic sibling about seeking treatment isn’t easy. And, all you can do is share your perspective on their behavior while presenting treatment options. The rest is up to them.

One of the best things you can do to help your sibling is learn more about addiction and treatment.

The more you learn about addiction, the more you’ll understand what your sibling is going through. Furthermore, by learning about treatment programs, you’ll know what they will need to get better. This will help you when you talk to your sibling about getting help.

Additional Tips for Family Members of Alcoholics and Addicts

You won’t have any control over what your sibling does about their addiction. However, if they are in danger or putting someone else at risk, there are laws regarding involuntary treatment under specific circumstances.

For example, in Florida, the Marchman Act and the Baker Act outline how to get someone into mental health or substance abuse treatment.

Additionally, here are some more ways to help you and your family:

  • Offer to take your sibling to a support group meeting. Support groups like Narcotics and Alcoholics Anonymous (NA and AA, respectively) have helped millions of people recover from substance abuse. SMART Recovery, a non-12-step program, offers an alternative to traditional support groups.
  • Attend an “open” support group meeting yourself. You can also attend support group meetings for recovering alcoholics and addicts to learn more about what your sibling is going through. Some support groups host “open meetings“—meaning they welcome outsiders to sit in.
  • Go to a support group specifically for family members of alcoholics and addicts. Al-Anon Family Groups offer support and 12-step programming for family members.

Helpful Resources for Family Members

The following resources can help you learn more about addiction, treatment, and how to talk to your addicted or alcoholic sibling:

[Recommended: “Addiction As a Family Disease: Know More“]

Get Help For Your Sibling Today

Addiction in the family is always difficult to deal with. You might feel ashamed, embarrassed, worried, sad, or helpless. But, you aren’t alone.

If you have an addicted or alcoholic sibling, we’re here to help. Contact Creekside Recovery Residences today.

talking to alcoholic spouse

Navigating Life With an Alcoholic Spouse: What To Do (And What NOT to Do)

When your spouse is addicted to alcohol, your marriage—and your life—can feel out of control. So, what can you do to help your alcoholic spouse? And, what actions are unhelpful?

At Creekside Recovery Center, we offer sober living programs to help those struggling with addiction and co-occurring mental health disorders. Visit our admissions page today to find a supportive home environment for your spouse.

5 Ways to Help Your Alcoholic Spouse (And Yourself)

Untreated alcoholism will have a negative impact on your spouse, yourself, and your entire family. You can’t just ignore the problem and hope it goes away on its own. On the other hand, you can’t control your spouse’s behavior—and this might make you feel helpless.

However, you can empower yourself—and your family—by taking the following steps:

1. Learn More About Alcoholism

Alcoholism is a disease affecting millions of Americans each year. According to the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 28.8 million people aged 18 and older had a past year alcohol use disorder (AUD).

Learning more about alcoholism puts things into perspective. As you learn to understand alcohol addiction as a disease, you can separate your spouse from their problematic behaviors. This will help you focus on dealing with the problem for what it is: a mental disorder that can be treated.

The following resources can help you learn more:

In addition, you can attend open Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings to learn more and hear stories from other alcoholics.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are critical for living with an alcoholic spouse. This means you have clear rules and expectations about alcohol use in your home. It also means there are consequences to crossing certain boundaries.

You have to be reasonable and temper your expectations when setting boundaries. Otherwise, you could set yourself and your spouse up for failure. For example, if the boundary is simply, “you need to stop drinking right now,” you aren’t giving your spouse any chance to recover.

Instead, you can set boundaries around seeking treatment or about unacceptable times for drinking. You might not allow drinking around children or during holidays, for instance.

3. Get Support for Yourself

You can’t control your alcoholic spouse and how they will deal with underlying issues regarding their drinking. However, you can get help and support for yourself.

Support groups, like Al-Anon Family Groups, are a great place to start. In family groups, you can learn from and share experiences with others who have been in your place before.

4. Take Care of Yourself (Self-Care)

It is crucial that you take care of yourself and don’t neglect your own needs. Oftentimes, you are so preoccupied with your spouse’s behaviors, that you don’t take any time for yourself. Learn to let go a little and do things for yourself, like taking a break, relaxing, talking to a friend, or engaging in your own interests.

Engaging in self-care will help to keep tensions at a minimum at home. This will also help you from burning out and ultimately will enable you to be there for your loved one when they are ready to get help.

In addition, you can seek therapy or counseling to learn how to deal with the stress of living with an alcoholic spouse.

5. Helping Your Kids

If you have children, you need to ensure that their needs are met as well. You might not think that your children understand the situation. However, you’d be surprised at how much kids know about the problems at home.

It’s best to speak openly about the problem. Let your kids know that their other parent has a disease, and this disease causes them to seem different. Also, encourage them to share their feelings and attend support groups or therapy as well.

However, if your spouse is abusive to you or your children, you need to understand your legal rights if you need to remove an alcoholic from your home.

5 Things NOT to Do When Dealing With an Alcoholic Spouse

It’s also important to know what not to do when living with an alcoholic spouse. Sometimes, people with alcoholism in the home either ignore the issue or aggravate it. Knowing what not to do can help you from unintentionally worsening the problem.

1. Don’t Enable Their Addiction

“Enable” is a word that is used often when discussing family members of alcoholics and addicts. Essentially, enabling means that a person thinks they are helping their loved one, however, they are actually creating conditions that allow the problematic behaviors to occur.

Examples of enabling include making excuses when an alcoholic spouse is drunk or hungover and misses work or social events. Another is protecting them from dealing with any legal consequences, like a public drinking charge or DUI.

2. Don’t Ignore the Problem

Many families of alcoholics hope that the problem will go away on its own. They ignore the issue or tip-toe around it. Unfortunately, this won’t help anyone.

Ignoring the problem can lead to increased tension, passive-aggression, enabling, and “para-alcoholism” (taking on the problematic behaviors of an alcoholic without drinking).

3. Don’t Blame Yourself

Spouses of alcoholics also have a tendency to blame themselves for the problem. Remember: this isn’t your fault. Your spouse has a disease—and neither you nor they can control that.

Blame often leads to guilt, shame, doubt, and low self-esteem. Over time, you could develop a mental health disorder, like depression or anxiety as these thoughts become overwhelming.

Instead, talk to a support group, friend, or counselor about your feelings to develop healthy ways of coping with the problem.

4. Don’t Try to Control Their Drinking

Any attempt at controlling your spouse’s behaviors could lead to conflicts and escalate their drinking. For example, you might lecture them about it, complain about their behavior, create ultimatums, or shame them. Not only is this not helpful, but it wastes time and energy that could be spent doing something more productive.

Instead, talk to them about your concerns, express empathy, and encourage treatment. Of course, you don’t want to hold back either—let them know how this behavior affects you and the family.

5. Don’t Talk About Drinking When They’re Drunk

It’s tempting to give in to knee-jerk reactions when your loved one is drunk. After all, this is when conflicts, tensions, and issues arise. However, talking to your spouse about changing their behaviors when they are under the influence won’t help.

For one thing, they probably won’t remember anything you’ve said. Even if you seem to get somewhere with them, it’s unlikely that they will follow through after they sober up. And, even if they agree with you that they need help, they might just be trying to get you off their back.

Make sure to have the important conversations about drinking and treatment programs when your spouse is sober. Even if they don’t change their behavior, at least they’ll be in a state of mind to hear your concerns and consider their next steps.

Get Help for Your Alcoholic Spouse Today

Creekside Recovery Residences offers sober living homes and other treatment options for those struggling with alcoholism. If your spouse needs help and a stable place to live while they get treatment, we can help. Contact us today for more.